Williams-Sonoma
September is here, and the catalogs be a’comin’. With only 14 shopping weeks left until Christmas, and Christmas in July on Home Shopping being over for more than a month, I started to shake when the Williams-Sonoma catalogue arrived in the mail today. By the way, did anyone see the Christmas Tree in a Pizza Box on Home Shopping? That Colleen Lopez babe whipped that sucker out of the pizza box by the twinkling star and I almost wet my pants. Pre-lit and everything.
I digress.. Williams-Sonoma is a high end kitchen store found in most shopping areas outside of Mahoning County (we have Zabels). They have all sorts of wondrous contraptions to make your kitchen and cooking experience worth experiencing…not that anyone does much cooking these days. But the stuff really looks good on your granite countertop next to your Subzero Freezer and Viking Range. Or in my case, next to the white formica and Kenmore appliances. Goes with my vinyl floor.
So this week I thought I would offer to you what Williams Sonoma is hocking, and my recommended cheaper, more practical, alternatives.
1) The Breville Die-Cast 800 Blender: It makes slushy frozen drinks with flawless precision in a polycarbonate blending chamber. It purees at two speeds. Cost: $299.95. My alternative: Squeeze the tomatoes with your hands then beat the hell out of them with a wire wisk, slow then fast. Cost: $5.99, plus the cost of lotion for your hands.
2) The All Clad Stainless Steel Deep Saute Pan with Lid and Fry Basket: Taller than a typical sauté pan, this one is roomy enough for deep frying. Comes complete with stainless steel tongs and steel mesh fry basket. Cost: $ 199.95. My alternative: Why fry at home when you go to McDonalds and they fry for you, anything you want. If you must fry, use your grandmother’s old cast iron skillet or your mother’s Farberware. Cost: nothing except the cost of the Mazola Oil and Lipitor.
3) The Cuisinart Supreme Ice Cream Maker: It make gelato, and something called an emulsion, with a generous snout for candy bits. You get an extra freezer bowl, a $30.00 value, for free. Cost: $299.95. My alternative: I got a mouth for the candy bits, so I don’t need a snout. Gallon of Breyers: $5.99; Better yet, get a dipped Dairy Queen for 2 bucks.
4) The Brushed Stainless Steel Cream Whipper: Wow. I thought these were illegal. It is a restaurant style canister filled with cream and attached to an N2O charger. I guess if you don’t whip cream you can super-charge your car. Has a decorator tip. What you do with that is your business. Cost: $ 100.00. My alternative: a wire wisk. Cost: $ 5.99; of course, the “ho” is extra.
5) The Chef’s Choice Electric Slicer: This is a German machine to shave meats and cheeses. You can use the slicer upright or tilted, and has a 7” stainless steel blade, kind of like Heinrich Himmler. Cost: $ 279.95. My alternative: Watch your television at 4 in the morning and buy a Popeil Kitchen Magician for $ 29.99; better yet, get a knife.
I could go on and on about these kitchen marvels, but now I’m hungry after looking at the food in the catalogue. I guess I am going to cut me some bread using my Wusthof Classic Offset Bread Knife ($74.95) on my $29.95 Tomato Cutting Board, then make me a sandwich in my Breville Ikon Panini Press ($99.95)….NOT…does anyone know where the Schwebel's Bread and Peanut Butter are??
I digress.. Williams-Sonoma is a high end kitchen store found in most shopping areas outside of Mahoning County (we have Zabels). They have all sorts of wondrous contraptions to make your kitchen and cooking experience worth experiencing…not that anyone does much cooking these days. But the stuff really looks good on your granite countertop next to your Subzero Freezer and Viking Range. Or in my case, next to the white formica and Kenmore appliances. Goes with my vinyl floor.
So this week I thought I would offer to you what Williams Sonoma is hocking, and my recommended cheaper, more practical, alternatives.
1) The Breville Die-Cast 800 Blender: It makes slushy frozen drinks with flawless precision in a polycarbonate blending chamber. It purees at two speeds. Cost: $299.95. My alternative: Squeeze the tomatoes with your hands then beat the hell out of them with a wire wisk, slow then fast. Cost: $5.99, plus the cost of lotion for your hands.
2) The All Clad Stainless Steel Deep Saute Pan with Lid and Fry Basket: Taller than a typical sauté pan, this one is roomy enough for deep frying. Comes complete with stainless steel tongs and steel mesh fry basket. Cost: $ 199.95. My alternative: Why fry at home when you go to McDonalds and they fry for you, anything you want. If you must fry, use your grandmother’s old cast iron skillet or your mother’s Farberware. Cost: nothing except the cost of the Mazola Oil and Lipitor.
3) The Cuisinart Supreme Ice Cream Maker: It make gelato, and something called an emulsion, with a generous snout for candy bits. You get an extra freezer bowl, a $30.00 value, for free. Cost: $299.95. My alternative: I got a mouth for the candy bits, so I don’t need a snout. Gallon of Breyers: $5.99; Better yet, get a dipped Dairy Queen for 2 bucks.
4) The Brushed Stainless Steel Cream Whipper: Wow. I thought these were illegal. It is a restaurant style canister filled with cream and attached to an N2O charger. I guess if you don’t whip cream you can super-charge your car. Has a decorator tip. What you do with that is your business. Cost: $ 100.00. My alternative: a wire wisk. Cost: $ 5.99; of course, the “ho” is extra.
5) The Chef’s Choice Electric Slicer: This is a German machine to shave meats and cheeses. You can use the slicer upright or tilted, and has a 7” stainless steel blade, kind of like Heinrich Himmler. Cost: $ 279.95. My alternative: Watch your television at 4 in the morning and buy a Popeil Kitchen Magician for $ 29.99; better yet, get a knife.
I could go on and on about these kitchen marvels, but now I’m hungry after looking at the food in the catalogue. I guess I am going to cut me some bread using my Wusthof Classic Offset Bread Knife ($74.95) on my $29.95 Tomato Cutting Board, then make me a sandwich in my Breville Ikon Panini Press ($99.95)….NOT…does anyone know where the Schwebel's Bread and Peanut Butter are??
Comments
gelato like I like gelato.....oh well....when I win the lotto...!
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