At Least I Didn't Do That!!

Have you ever felt like you have failed at “being all you can be”? The media is the message, and the media is continually telling us we have to be all we can be. Unfortunately, I have yet figure out what being all I can be is. Or maybe I know, and I am too darn lazy to worry about it. After all, wouldn’t being all you can be involve a whole lot of effort? It’s too hard. I am happy if I can get out of bed in the morning. So…I have taken a different approach to measuring my success or lack thereof. Instead of looking at those ahead of me, as my sainted parents taught me, I have decided to look at people who have really screwed up and say: “At least I didn’t do that!”

Look at the Blago dude in Illinois. I always wanted to be in politics, but c’mon…going door to door listening to constituent complaints. Ya! Right! And who wants to deal with that press thing. So I am not a successful politician. But I can look at Governor Blago’s "pay to play" scheme as he tried to sell a Senate seat and say: at least I didn’t do that!!!!

Then there is that Madoff guy who ran a Ponzi scheme and bilked lots of people out tons of money. I would have loved to have been a Wall Street Tycoon, but I only got as far as $100.00 in a savings account and an overdrawn line of credit. Yet I can watch Bernie Madoff do the perp walk and say: at least I didn’t do that. And, there’s a bonus, I actually knew what a Ponzi scheme was. How great is that!!

How about those smart, financial Palm Beach types who gave Madoff the money!!! 95 year old Carl Shapiro gave him $250 million two weeks before the proverbial “you know what” hit the fan. How do you think he feels?? At least I didn’t do that!! I only lost a buck playing the lottery.

I always wished that I lived in one of those big houses. I would drive in the neighborhoods, green with envy, looking at those magnificent structures. Then I would watch various sundry disasters hit these folks. There’s the guy that built his house on a mountain cliff in California and it slid into the Pacific Ocean…or the guy that built his in the middle of a forest where it hadn’t rained in 5 years and the house goes up in a forest fire…or mortgaged it for 200% of the value then have the housing market crash down around him and get foreclosed on. My favorite is the guy who built his house over an abandoned coal mine and it fell into the sink hole, then rebuilt it on the same site…at least I didn’t do that!!!

One of the mucky muck lawyers in town told my father several years ago that I was a “light-weight”. Of course, he got caught scamming thousands of dollars from the Mahoning County Sanitary District. Then there is the one who was sleeping with his divorce clients on the “fee couch.” Or how about the one who settled all of those wrongful death actions and kept the money…or the judges that looked the other way while those sorts of things went on. Well, maybe I AM a "light-weight,", but at least I didn’t do that!!!

So maybe I am not the most successful lawyer in town, or the richest financial guy, or a successful politician, or someone who has the juice…and I write a hack blog that is read by a few people, I can still look around at all those other folks who let you know they were on top of the world and say….Yep…at least I didn’t do that.

Now, will someone pour me a bourbon? It’s time for Doctor Phil.

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