Obama's Connecticut Military Operation

We have a problem. I got home from work yesterday and found out that the United States had launched a Connecticut Military Operation. The television dude the reason they did this is that Congress would never approve a Declaration of War. I would hope not. What’s wrong with Connecticut?

President Obama says that this operation is necessary to protect the civilian population. From whom do they need protecting? Supposedly its against the leader of the state. I looked it up. Her name is M. Jodi Rell. She must be pretty bad because even the Arab League is upset with her. Maybe she had snow removal issues this past winter. Or maybe they want her to wear a burqa. Gee, I hope she doesn’t get caught by any Egyptians. The Drudge Report said the army was given protesting women virginity tests. Yikes.

I don’t think Obama is really into this Connecticut invasion. He is looking to hand it off to somebody else. I am guessing that New York, Massachusetts and Rhode Island aren’t interested in taking over. That’s probably why Obama is looking to hand it over to the French. He tried to hand it over to the British, but they already had a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthr's Court. He really should let the Italians lead the Connecticut Military Operation because there are lots of Italians in Connecticut. I saw it on Mystic Pizza. Those Connecticut Italians would surrender real fast, too; unless of course, they call in reinforcements from New Jersey.

Obama also seems concerned about how long this Connecticut Military Operation is going to take. He said it would be over in a few days. He must afraid he will get his buddies Sean Penn and Tim Robbins mad at him given he won the Nobel Peace Prize and all. They must live in Mystic, Connecticut, too. They both won Academy Awards for Mystic River, and that’s way better than a Nobel Peace Prize, especially if given to a war monger President who would invade Connecticut!!! Wait a minute, I don’t think we are supposed to use the word “war.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was the brains behind this Connecticut Military Operation. She said she was targeting Connecticut, and she has to take it before the next election. She said she waited way too long the last time and it cost her the election. She worked hard at forging a coalition to do the Connecticut Military Operation. Its are called a campaign exploratory committee. But I thought Hillary and her husband Bill teamed up with the Chinese instead of the French and British. Why should we pay for her Connecticut Military Operation? Let the Chinese do it! That's why we need NATO to investigate campaign fraud.

Wait a minute. What’s that you say? What do you mean it’s not a Connecticut Military Operation? Of course Connecticut isn’t spelled with a “K”! Oh…Oh. You mean it’s Kinetic Military Operation. What the hell is that? Against who? Against Libya? And they aren’t bombing Hartford. They are bombing Tripoli? Isn’t that next to the Halls of Montezuma?

Nevermind!

(With deepest gratitude to Gilda Radner and Roseann Roseannadana!)

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