OLIVE GREEN
On Saturday, I took my wife on our semi-annual shopping trip to Chico’s located in the beautiful, but let’s remodel it anyway, Beachwood Mall in Cleveland. For those folks not familiar with Chico’s, it is a ladies clothing store with an innovative concept. It sells clothes that fit. One of the fastest growing clothing store chains in the United States, the management realizes that most women don’t look like Brittany Spears, and really don’t want to show their belly buttons and as much skin surrounding said buttons from Poughkeepsie down below to the Twin Cities up above. The result has made Chico’s stock one of the darlings of Wall Street.
Other times we have done this, we traveled to Cleveland during the week. But yesterday was such a beautiful day, and we had some other shopping to do, we thought we could handle Saturday in our stride. WRONG. Chico’s was a mad house. The women had just gotten their “cents off” coupons, and they were grabbing and pushing and tripping, and well, it was general mayhem throughout the store. I witnessed several misdemeanors and at least one felony.
Notwithstanding, we braved the crowd and held our own, and my wife tried on clothes for over 2 hours. While she hid in the dressing room, I and the “almost could speak English” Hispanic clerk threw various asundry clothes at her to try on and discard accordingly. It was a religious experience. It was the Roman coliseum and Coco Chanel all wrapped up into one.
Now I have an annoying habit when I go clothes shopping with my wife. I usually strike up conversations with other ladies who are also shopping. They are so impressed to see a man shopping with his wife, they often ask my opinion as to what they should buy. Being me, I freely give them my opinion. Chico’s owes me several hundred dollars in commissions because I usually get them to buy much more than they intended.
Yesterday was no exception. One very nice lady admired a skirt my wife had tried on and I opined that she ought to try it also as it would look very nice on her. She did. After trying it on, she brought out an armful of clothing and explained she always has a hard time shopping for herself. She usually either brings her mother or daughter, both of whom were busy yesterday so she decided to give it a go herself.
The poor thing was totally flustered. She picked out some of the dreariest clothing I have ever seen. And given that she was a touch “austere” looking, with a relatively dark complexion and frizzy hair, she really needed some softening up. I suggested she try a pastel. She returned with an olive green jacket and a peach jacket. I held both of them up against her, and told her she really should get the peach. “Oh no” she said, and then told me she usually wears dark browns and greens.
I called a clerk over and then told the lady, “Honey, life is to short to go through it wearing olive green. Get the peach, and try something in hot pink.” She looked at me skeptically and slouched over to the check out counter with the clerk. A few minutes later she came up to me and grabbed my arm. She bought the peach jacket. “Good for you!” I told her. And off she went into the mall. What a great lesson for life. Maybe for once I got it right. Life IS too short to go through it wearing olive green.
Here is what else I learned: 1) NEVER go to a women's clothing store on Saturday; 2) Buy Chico's stock, especially if your wife is shopping there; and 3) It is a really great place to meet women if you are guy with any taste at all. Remember, the root word of Chico's is "chick".
Other times we have done this, we traveled to Cleveland during the week. But yesterday was such a beautiful day, and we had some other shopping to do, we thought we could handle Saturday in our stride. WRONG. Chico’s was a mad house. The women had just gotten their “cents off” coupons, and they were grabbing and pushing and tripping, and well, it was general mayhem throughout the store. I witnessed several misdemeanors and at least one felony.
Notwithstanding, we braved the crowd and held our own, and my wife tried on clothes for over 2 hours. While she hid in the dressing room, I and the “almost could speak English” Hispanic clerk threw various asundry clothes at her to try on and discard accordingly. It was a religious experience. It was the Roman coliseum and Coco Chanel all wrapped up into one.
Now I have an annoying habit when I go clothes shopping with my wife. I usually strike up conversations with other ladies who are also shopping. They are so impressed to see a man shopping with his wife, they often ask my opinion as to what they should buy. Being me, I freely give them my opinion. Chico’s owes me several hundred dollars in commissions because I usually get them to buy much more than they intended.
Yesterday was no exception. One very nice lady admired a skirt my wife had tried on and I opined that she ought to try it also as it would look very nice on her. She did. After trying it on, she brought out an armful of clothing and explained she always has a hard time shopping for herself. She usually either brings her mother or daughter, both of whom were busy yesterday so she decided to give it a go herself.
The poor thing was totally flustered. She picked out some of the dreariest clothing I have ever seen. And given that she was a touch “austere” looking, with a relatively dark complexion and frizzy hair, she really needed some softening up. I suggested she try a pastel. She returned with an olive green jacket and a peach jacket. I held both of them up against her, and told her she really should get the peach. “Oh no” she said, and then told me she usually wears dark browns and greens.
I called a clerk over and then told the lady, “Honey, life is to short to go through it wearing olive green. Get the peach, and try something in hot pink.” She looked at me skeptically and slouched over to the check out counter with the clerk. A few minutes later she came up to me and grabbed my arm. She bought the peach jacket. “Good for you!” I told her. And off she went into the mall. What a great lesson for life. Maybe for once I got it right. Life IS too short to go through it wearing olive green.
Here is what else I learned: 1) NEVER go to a women's clothing store on Saturday; 2) Buy Chico's stock, especially if your wife is shopping there; and 3) It is a really great place to meet women if you are guy with any taste at all. Remember, the root word of Chico's is "chick".
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