Fruitcake

I admit it. I like fruitcake. I have always felt that these citron laden confections have been much maligned and battered (get it?) to the point where those of us who are aficionados are embarrassed to admit our secret vice. Those candied cherries and candied little green things that kind of stick out of them are just wonderful. I rank them right up there with dried apricots, also one of my dirty pleasures.

There are all sorts of fruitcakes. I got one yesterday in the mail sent by my mother from an outfit called Collin Street Bakery. It was a Texas fruitcake, and everyone knows you don’t mess with Texas. It was also fairly heavy, which seemed appropriate as I was watching the Guns of Navarone on television as I was eating a piece. For a minute, visions of little Nazis danced in my head using those suckers for ammunition in those really big guns. Just kidding. Actually, Collin Street makes a pretty good fruitcake. If someone doesn’t send me one, I usually buy one for myself.

There are all sorts of fruitcakes. My mother-in-law makes a primo fruitcake that I look forward to every year. Has a more cakey texture. Then there are Hawaiian fruitcakes with macadamia nuts and candied pineapple. There are holy fruitcakes made by the Trappist monks. You don’t want to light a match around those puppies. The cakes are pickled in rum or bourbon. Some are heavy on the pecans, others on walnuts. Some come with no nuts at all. These are the nutless wonders.Claxton is probably my favorite brand of fruitcake. It is actually a cheapie. No gourmet tins here. Just a square log of delectable candied fruit baked in pound cake batter and wrapped for sale in plain old cellophane. They are moist, sweet and fruity. You can order them on the internet. But mostly you can buy them in pretty much any grocery store. You can taste the fruit. They are not heavy. This is fruitcake heaven.

Everyone should learn to get along with fruitcakes as I can guarantee you that, sooner or later, we all encounter one or two at some time in our life. Some will be pickled in booze: bourbon or rum...or scotch. Luck of the draw. Some will have nuts of all shapes and sizes, and others will be nutless wonders. Don’t be surprised if you encounter some with little green things sticking out of them. And more often than not, we will be stuck with them pretty much all year round. I know that we still have a few hanging around our house from last year. I can’t seem to get rid of them.

I don't know. Maybe this year I should stick with carrot cake. Merry Christmas.