My New Appendage


I am so excited. I heard on the radio the other day that I have grown a new appendage. It is called a “carbon footprint.” Can anyone tell me where it’s located? I was so happy when, for just a minute, I thought it might be a replacement for my eczema ridden right foot with the festering ingrown toenail. Udder Cream and Vaseline Intensive Care have become my new best friends. But I didn’t see anything there.

So I inspected myself when I got out of the shower today, looking for anything unusual or out of place. Everything seemed to be there, but nothing new. I heard that my carbon footprint was supposed to be green. I noticed a few green things, but nothing like that. Maybe I should see a doctor.

Al Gore is supposed to have a huge carbon footprint. According to conservative talk radio, his is among the biggest in the nation. Good for him, and lo to anyone who goes up against him “mano a mano.” Who says size doesn’t matter? Of course it does.

I am starting to lose sleep over this. Nancy Pelosi says I should be shrinking my carbon footprint. Then again, she is the Congressperson from San Francisco. I would think most of her constituency would want a bigger one rather than a small one. Silly me…I am just a hack lawyer from the Midwest. What do I know?

Light bulbs are supposed to have something to do with it. But dealing with any big green thing I think would best be handled in the dark. And Sheryl Crow says using a single sheet of toilet paper will also help shrink my new green appendage. Maybe yes or no, but I don’t think I would want to sit next to her in a hot, humid room, any big, green thing notwithstanding.

I see there is something called the Green Team that advertises on television. I bet they are like the paramedics for carbon footprints. I think I will call 9-1-1 and see if I can get them out here to help me out. At least if they take it off of me, I can be entertained by their dancing and singing….and maybe give Allied Waste a boost. Do you think they would haul it away in one of those little blue boxes?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Don't worry about carbon footprints and global warming, those are only figments of the imagination of democrats to discredit the republican party, right?. Seems silly to me since there's so many better reasons already.
7:48 PM
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