Who Gets the Dog? Who Gets the Cheese?
For this month’s winner in the “Lord, you can take me now, I have seen it all!” category, I offer to you Animal Planet’s television show: “Who Gets the Dog?” I saw this piece of TV magic this morning while flicking through the channels for something other than infomercials and preachers.
Don’t get me wrong. I like Animal Planet, and I am a fan of such shows as Pet Star hosted by Mario Lopez, who must be a candidate for sainthood as he is continuously upstaged by dogs who can dance on beach balls and acrobatic cats. I also like Animal Police, where we see the ASPCA seek out the dregs of humanity whose mistreatment of animals shakes my faith in human nature. Not to mention that the new Terri and Bindi Show. Bindi is the terminally cute daughter of the late Steve Irwin of alligator and sting ray fame. I don’t know, the promo picture shows this little girl with a snake wrapped around her neck. I thought they were through exploiting her after Mr. Irwin dipped her in the lake with snapping alligators. But I digress.
But this new show…well…it is just over the top. Here is the premise. They take some unsuspecting pooch and farm the poor thing out to three families who compete as to who gets to keep the dog. The clueless mutt, and the even more clueless families, are then subjected to judgment by three judges who determine whether the dog and the families have “passed” or “failed” a series of “tests.” One of the judges is a hot Hispanic babe who is an animal behaviorist, whatever that is; the other is a veterinarian whose license ought to be examined; and the third is a “humorist”….that I am not quite sure what to make of, and I am trying to be polite.
In this week’s edition, the little foofoo dog, Eddie, is brought to family #1, who tries to get Eddie to kiss them, to run an obstacle course, and to take a “family” picture. They have a 2 year old little boy, which those of you with dogs know often don’t mix with dogs of any size. Then they took Eddie to this Hispanic household with a college age son. These folks tried to get Eddie to do the limbo. Finally, they took poor Eddie to a house with 2 tweens who were skate board addicts, and of course, poor Eddie ended up on the skate board as the family tried to get this rat dog to dance on it hind legs.
The problem is, Eddie could care less. This was the most listless dog I have ever seen. Mostly, he wanted to lay down and go to sleep. And they all tried to bribe him with cheese. This poor animal was subjected to all sorts of new and stressful situations, forced to do things I wouldn’t want to do, only to be rewarded with cheese. No wonder he was listless, he was probably constipated.
Then the judges critiqued how the families treated the dog. If I were the families, I would sue. It was terrible what they said about these hapless people as they tried to get Eddie off his rear end to do something…anything. Finally, they gathered all of the families in one place, and Eddie “made his decision” as to with whom he wanted to live. The judges awarded this poor pillar to post canine to the Hispanic family (my choice also), to the cries of the other two families with the children: “How come we didn’t win the dog, Mommy??” By the time it was over, I was on the floor laughing my head off.
I have always thought that Animal Planet crossed the line a few times with doggie psychiatrists and training therapists. It has made me afraid to get a pet for fear any dog of mine might go "schizo." I lean towards the electric shock collar thing. But then again, when I do something good, my wife always gives me some cheese. Maybe they are on to something after all. As they say, the cheese stands alone. Woof.
Don’t get me wrong. I like Animal Planet, and I am a fan of such shows as Pet Star hosted by Mario Lopez, who must be a candidate for sainthood as he is continuously upstaged by dogs who can dance on beach balls and acrobatic cats. I also like Animal Police, where we see the ASPCA seek out the dregs of humanity whose mistreatment of animals shakes my faith in human nature. Not to mention that the new Terri and Bindi Show. Bindi is the terminally cute daughter of the late Steve Irwin of alligator and sting ray fame. I don’t know, the promo picture shows this little girl with a snake wrapped around her neck. I thought they were through exploiting her after Mr. Irwin dipped her in the lake with snapping alligators. But I digress.
But this new show…well…it is just over the top. Here is the premise. They take some unsuspecting pooch and farm the poor thing out to three families who compete as to who gets to keep the dog. The clueless mutt, and the even more clueless families, are then subjected to judgment by three judges who determine whether the dog and the families have “passed” or “failed” a series of “tests.” One of the judges is a hot Hispanic babe who is an animal behaviorist, whatever that is; the other is a veterinarian whose license ought to be examined; and the third is a “humorist”….that I am not quite sure what to make of, and I am trying to be polite.
In this week’s edition, the little foofoo dog, Eddie, is brought to family #1, who tries to get Eddie to kiss them, to run an obstacle course, and to take a “family” picture. They have a 2 year old little boy, which those of you with dogs know often don’t mix with dogs of any size. Then they took Eddie to this Hispanic household with a college age son. These folks tried to get Eddie to do the limbo. Finally, they took poor Eddie to a house with 2 tweens who were skate board addicts, and of course, poor Eddie ended up on the skate board as the family tried to get this rat dog to dance on it hind legs.
The problem is, Eddie could care less. This was the most listless dog I have ever seen. Mostly, he wanted to lay down and go to sleep. And they all tried to bribe him with cheese. This poor animal was subjected to all sorts of new and stressful situations, forced to do things I wouldn’t want to do, only to be rewarded with cheese. No wonder he was listless, he was probably constipated.
Then the judges critiqued how the families treated the dog. If I were the families, I would sue. It was terrible what they said about these hapless people as they tried to get Eddie off his rear end to do something…anything. Finally, they gathered all of the families in one place, and Eddie “made his decision” as to with whom he wanted to live. The judges awarded this poor pillar to post canine to the Hispanic family (my choice also), to the cries of the other two families with the children: “How come we didn’t win the dog, Mommy??” By the time it was over, I was on the floor laughing my head off.
I have always thought that Animal Planet crossed the line a few times with doggie psychiatrists and training therapists. It has made me afraid to get a pet for fear any dog of mine might go "schizo." I lean towards the electric shock collar thing. But then again, when I do something good, my wife always gives me some cheese. Maybe they are on to something after all. As they say, the cheese stands alone. Woof.
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