Press the Nose and Squeeze the Stomach; Presione la Nariz y Apriete el Estómago; Appuyez sur le Nez et Serrez l'Estomac!
I decided a long time ago that no one knows better than me what I want for Christmas. So each Christmas I buy for myself a gift for my wife to give to me that I will be sure to love. This year, it was a digital DVD camcorder. I saw it on QVC, and said to her that is what you can give me for Christmas. I ordered it, and gave it to her to wrap and to put under the tree along with an appropriate card expressing her sentiments of the season. I dutifully acted surprised on Christmas morning when I opened it up. How did she know that is exactly what I wanted?
But like the bloom off the rose, I sat down yesterday to try to learn how to run thing. I knew I was in trouble when the instruction “booklet” was the size of War and Peace. And it was in three languages: Spanish, French, and English. And it had lots of charts, especially to explain what kind of disc to buy that would work with the dang thing. Then I then had to make sure it was compatible with my DVD player that is attached to my television. I dug out the instruction booklet for the DVD player, and that also had a chart of what it would play and what it would it not. By the process of elimination and my strong power of deduction, I found one that worked on both. I was in like Flynn. Of course, only after I figured out how to attach the shoulder strap, which took a large part of the afternoon. I decided to learn how to use it in stages. One stage each day. I will have it figured out by next Christmas, assuming the battery is charged by then.
What have we wrought on ourselves? I described the experience to my good friend, Ed, who in turn told me about Mia, his one year old granddaughter. For Christmas, Mia got two stuffed toys that did all sorts of marvelous things. The only problem was that to make the dog work, you had to press the stomach. To make the cat work, you had to squeeze the ear. And being only 1 year old, this was just a tad beyond little Mia’s technical expertise. The poor thing got confused as to what part to press to get these plush wonders to do what it was they were supposed to do. Mia will probably be scarred for life from her way too early technological confabulation. I wonder if the toys also came with an instruction “booklet” in three languages. Let’s see, do you press the nose and squeeze the foot, or squeeze the mouth and press the tail??
As for my DVD camcorder, I think I will Drop Kick It Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life. Next year, I will let my wife buy me a tasteful tie, of her own choosing of course; so long as it is red with a blue stripe and comes from Brooks Brothers.
Happy New Year, everyone.
But like the bloom off the rose, I sat down yesterday to try to learn how to run thing. I knew I was in trouble when the instruction “booklet” was the size of War and Peace. And it was in three languages: Spanish, French, and English. And it had lots of charts, especially to explain what kind of disc to buy that would work with the dang thing. Then I then had to make sure it was compatible with my DVD player that is attached to my television. I dug out the instruction booklet for the DVD player, and that also had a chart of what it would play and what it would it not. By the process of elimination and my strong power of deduction, I found one that worked on both. I was in like Flynn. Of course, only after I figured out how to attach the shoulder strap, which took a large part of the afternoon. I decided to learn how to use it in stages. One stage each day. I will have it figured out by next Christmas, assuming the battery is charged by then.
What have we wrought on ourselves? I described the experience to my good friend, Ed, who in turn told me about Mia, his one year old granddaughter. For Christmas, Mia got two stuffed toys that did all sorts of marvelous things. The only problem was that to make the dog work, you had to press the stomach. To make the cat work, you had to squeeze the ear. And being only 1 year old, this was just a tad beyond little Mia’s technical expertise. The poor thing got confused as to what part to press to get these plush wonders to do what it was they were supposed to do. Mia will probably be scarred for life from her way too early technological confabulation. I wonder if the toys also came with an instruction “booklet” in three languages. Let’s see, do you press the nose and squeeze the foot, or squeeze the mouth and press the tail??
As for my DVD camcorder, I think I will Drop Kick It Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life. Next year, I will let my wife buy me a tasteful tie, of her own choosing of course; so long as it is red with a blue stripe and comes from Brooks Brothers.
Happy New Year, everyone.
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