Societal Dad

Happy Father’s Day to all of you Dads!! Days like Father’s Day or Mother’s Day are no-brainers for writers like me. Pull out the schmaltz and throw in some hearts and flowers…we can have our readers crying in their coffee mugs in 2 minutes. (C’mon, you know I can do it!). But me being me, I view Father’s Day as a chance to vent my continual frustration about the diminishment of the roles of fathers, and men generally, in our society.

Watch television and the talk shows. The media likes to portray men as sperm donors first, and dumb and stupid second. Female celebrities are continually impregnated by men to whom they are not married, and to whom they may or may not marry at some time in the future, while they parade their “baby bump” in skin tight tops strutting up and down Rodeo Drive or as they go clubbing at night. It diminishes men. It diminishes the miracle of child birth, and it diminishes the mothers…and I use the term loosely. Let’s not even go to the single women who traipse around the world to adopt babies (Madonna is an example) with no father figure in the household.

In Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams comments at the end of the movie that there are all sorts of families and proceeds to list them from single mothers to grandparents to divorced couples….with love being the tie that binds. He is right. Of course those families exist, and the importance of the roles played by family members shouldn’t be diminished. Many of those families are created by difficult circumstances way beyond the control of the folks who find themselves in that situation. That’s not the issue.

The issue at hand is whether fatherless families should somehow be raised up as a normal circumstance that should be promoted, emulated or glorified. They should not. Study after study continually shows that children benefit from being raised in a traditional nuclear family. The most predictive metric for poverty in the United States is a household headed up by a single mother. It is difficult for everyone involved, the working mother, the child or children, and the taxpayer who oftentimes ends up supporting the family.

There is no justification for media types hyping this kind of life style. It should be discouraged. Responsibility should be encouraged. For all of the birth control education going on in the schools, and the availability of contraception alternatives, this should be a diminishing problem. At best, the situation is leveling off, but the amount of fatherless households is still substantial.

Currently, there are 12.9 million single parent households in the United States; 10.4 million single mothers, and 2.5 million single fathers. This represents about 9% of the total U.S. households, and containing just under 1/3 of children under the age of 18. Not as much as you would think watching television news, but a substantial amount nonetheless. In addition, many of these folks are educated. A recent study shows that in the African American community, 80% of single mom’s have high school diplomas, a figure that goes a long way to debunk the myths about welfare, drug addict queens. But it also raises the question why these situations are allowed to develop in any segment of our society, white, black, or Hispanic, if education isn’t the issue.

I believe the root cause is the social acceptance of single mother households as a legitimate lifestyle choice. Anecdotal personal observations resulting from my wife being a high school teacher more than defends my position. Schools are now providing daycare for babies of unwed mothers. When my wife worked at Lima South Junior High School back in the early 1970’s, she had classes that contained 3 or 4 pregnant girls, ages 13-15, and she was supposed to teach dating skills!! Now, pregnancy is worn as a badge of honor. There is no stigma..and there is no father to be seen.

Reinstating the role of Dad’s in our society should be a priority. The importance of fathers needs to be stressed in the schools and in media portrayals of acceptable life style choices. Girls need to be taught the importance of marriage. Boys need to be taught the importance of responsibility and consequences for one’s actions. And society needs to say that while under certain circumstances, single parent households are inevitable and need to accommodated, it should always be the exception instead of the rule.

I feel better now. Hey, Dad, go celebrate the day and play some golf.