Leftover Relatives

Last week, I had the occasion to have dinner with a group of my family members. Included in the group were my Aunt Rosemary who was married to my father’s deceased brother Lou; my Uncle Bud who was married to my mother’s deceased sister Dee; and Jerry who was married to my late cousin Marilyn. Of course, my mother and father are both deceased. So there we sat in the Springfield Grill having a wonderful time.

Although I come from a rather large extended family, my mother and father, Rosemary and Lou, Dee and Bud, and Marilyn made up my core family. These are the folks with whom we would spend most of the holidays and celebrations. My mother and father did a fair amount of traveling with Dee and Bud (belonging to my mother’s side of the family) and Rosemary and Lou (belonging to my father’s side of the family). Marilyn, Dee and Bud’s daughter, and I were raised in a duplex and viewed ourselves more like brother and sister.

It dawned on me, looking around at these folks last week, that these are my leftover relatives. None of us, including me and my wife, are related to each other by blood. We are folks who have “married in.” The tie that connected, my mother and father, is now gone.

It was sad in a way, almost poignant. There we were, family but still strangers. In my mind, I could see the missing family members sitting next to those of us still here. I could still hear the spirited political debates. I could still hear the laughter and the fighting. There was lots of fighting…way too much fighting. I could hear my father and Uncle Lou play their accordions together after dinner. I could remember Marilyn going off to Midnight Mass at Christmas and not asking me to go along. She was two years older than me, but that is a big difference when you are 12 and 14 respectively. I remember Dee and Bud talking about the “School of Hard Knocks”, where they said they got their education. I remember Rosemary telling “Louie stories” that would have us laughing until our sides hurt. We had a long history together.

What do you do with leftover relatives? Bud lost his only daughter, my cousin, and is the last of his own family. Rosemary never had children of her own, and is the sole survivor of at least 8 brothers and sisters. Jerry is the most interesting of the group. He and my cousin were only married for 2 years when she died, and I had only met him twice prior to my cousin’s death as they lived in Michigan. He helped my Uncle Bud through Marilyn’s passing last October, and Dee’s death in January, just two weeks after my mother’s death. Bud is now 95 and lives with Jerry. Over these past few months I have gotten to know Jerry, and we have developed a close relationship. My cousin picked a winner.

Families come in all shapes and forms. While my leftover relatives and I don’t share blood, we share a lifetime of experiences. These are all great folks whose company I have enjoyed more and more since these very unhappy past months. I have gotten to know all of them better, and in ways I couldn’t know them while the blood relatives were still with us. I guess they are now my family, and I am glad…and blessed…to have them. Funny how things work out sometimes.