Mark Knows It All

Today I have reached the end. I am technologied out. I wrote about this several weeks ago, and I am going to write about it again today. If some uniform standard of compatibility for our electronic gizmos isn’t established soon, this country will be in big trouble. Patent and proprietary rights laws need to be updated and modernized to account for the rapid advancements in digital technology, and the country’s complete reliance on this myriad of non-compatible advancements. One break in this indispensible technological chain could bring this country to a grinding halt. A case in point is my wireless mouse. Two years ago, I bought a Microsoft wireless keyboard and mouse set to go with my laptop. The mouse has been giving me fits. It is difficult to use and patently unreliable. I go through batteries like water, and it still only works when it wants to. I looked for a replacement, and lo and behold, Microsoft doesn’t make this model anymore. So I went to Best Buy to look for a compatible...

At long last I am beginning to get some relief for my aching back. It has only taken 20 years and a diagnosis of “butt pain” to get me to this point. The spine doctor dude got me into some therapy, and now three times a week I subject myself to the whims of Stefanie. She is a master of multi-tasking handling three of us walking wounded at a time. I am scared to death that she is going to take Mrs. Fuller’s knee kicks and match them up with my hip thrusts, and then I will have a real problem! The therapy room can be a dangerous place. Who knew that pushing my shrinking posterior against a wall for 10 sets of 15 seconds…or is it 15 sets of 10 seconds….could make me feel so good? Who knew that a great part of the solution to my problem was standing on one leg? My body is still leaning 45 degrees to the right. But when I stand on my left leg like a one legged, pot bellied crane, I can see the alignment take place in front of my eyes. Of course, my hip hurts like hell, but you can’t always ...

There are lots of different channels to watch on television these days, and lots of junk that isn’t worth watching. So my channel surfing oftentimes stops at either the Discovery Channel or the A&E Network, or the National Geographic Channel. There’s even a Green Channel now…all environmental propaganda all day. Actually, they have had some pretty interesting stories on the Green Channel, including a wood burning steam engine truck, and a medieval weapons of mass destruction contest. Those guys really knew how to do murder and mayhem. While watching a show on giant machinery the other night, I began to ponder the meaning of life. And between my package of Oreos and a dish of cashews, I began to wonder what I would consider the greatest invention of all time. Oh, there are lots of choices. The archaeological types would probably point to fire, learning to use a rock as a weapon, or the wheel. The metallurgical types would probably point to iron. The scientific types might look to th...

I watched an Animal Planet television program last night entitled It’s Me or the Dog . The program features a lady dog trainer who visits people’s homes to assist in training unruly poochies. Some of the stuff is fairly awful. Last night’s show crossed the line. Four twenty-something girls rented a home together. These were white, middle class chicks who I rapidly concluded personified everything that is wrong with America today. Three of the girls had dogs, and two of the girls had more than one dog. Although the dogs were tiny dogs, all animals must perform certain bodily functions in order to survive, including doing their duty. To put it bluntly, these babes could care less, and allowed the dog to defecate throughout the house. Months of feces was everywhere, including inches on the pack enclosed porch. It was under the beds. It was in every room in the house. The dogs were male dogs, and staked out their territory continually all over the furniture. There were feces on the wall. ...

In what is perhaps a harbinger of things to come, I offer you the pain in my back that I have had for the last 20 years. Orthopedic, chiropractic, and family medicine dudes have all heard me complain about the severe pain in my lower back. X-ray after x-ray showed nothing. Finally, one guy came up with the only diagnosis from any of these guys. He said I had “butt pain.” I dutifully paid him my $75.00, and went forth. But over the past 6 months, it has ceased being a laughing matter. My body has developed a twenty degree tilt to the right, and it is impossible to straighten my body out. When I try to straighten out, I have to lift my right off the ground at least an inch in order to align my hips with my spine. In addition, the pain has become unbearable. I have been unable to lay down now for close to a year. On some days I can barely walk. Even scarier, severe neuropathy has developed in both legs, and now is rapidly descending into my arms and hands. My GP sent me to a neurologist. ...

If you are over 50 and reading this, congratulations! You have stuck your big toe into the digital age. Approximately 74% of those between the ages of 50 and 64 actively use the internet. But if you are over the age of 64, it’s a different story. The number drops dramatically to 35%. That is a stunning figure, showing that a large and important segment of our society operates in a different world than the rest of us, to their strong disadvantage. But it’s more than whether one has access to a computer or the internet. I consider myself more tech savvy than most people my age. But that isn’t saying a whole lot. I inherited my mother’s old Bose radio, and I saw that Bose had CD changer that could be hooked up to it. I brought it to the Bose store and was told the radio was too old to handle the Bose hookup, but that it did have the connections to handle any other CD changer. So I went to Radio Shack to see what was on the market. I was so depressed when I left the store, I had to reach f...