The Greatest Invention of All Time

There are lots of different channels to watch on television these days, and lots of junk that isn’t worth watching. So my channel surfing oftentimes stops at either the Discovery Channel or the A&E Network, or the National Geographic Channel. There’s even a Green Channel now…all environmental propaganda all day. Actually, they have had some pretty interesting stories on the Green Channel, including a wood burning steam engine truck, and a medieval weapons of mass destruction contest. Those guys really knew how to do murder and mayhem.

While watching a show on giant machinery the other night, I began to ponder the meaning of life. And between my package of Oreos and a dish of cashews, I began to wonder what I would consider the greatest invention of all time. Oh, there are lots of choices. The archaeological types would probably point to fire, learning to use a rock as a weapon, or the wheel. The metallurgical types would probably point to iron. The scientific types might look to the discovery that the earth goes around the sun and theories of the universe. Intellectuals might choose the printing press. And let’s not forget the radio, television, the computer…and the taming of the atom. All of these are absolute wonders that helped to make mankind what we are today…for whatever that is worth.

Me? I’m not so sophisticated. I live in a world of digital marvels and cars that can drive to Florida and back on a few gallons of gas. But if I were to choose one thing…the one thing above all other things that has improved my life, and made daily living tolerable, I pick the Gillette Fusion Five Blade Razor Cartridge. Go ahead, snicker if you want. But these puppies have cut my prep time in the morning down by a half.

I started out with an electric razor when I was in high school. But I have heavy beard and had to shave twice a day. Then I moved to those blue double edge blades that went into my father’s razor, and you stored in the back of the package when you were done. Those were kind of neat. In hotels, they had little slits in the wall to put your old ones in. Sure would hate to be the guy tearing down those old buildings!!!!

Then came the disposable razors. Those are the ones sold in the cellophane pack. Use them a few times and throw the entire thing out. I used to buy them by the gross. Out of a package of 12, I might get two that would give me a good shave. I think the rest were pre-used by the Chinese guys that probably made them.

Let’s face it (no pun intended)!! By the time I softened my beard. Tried to unsuccessfully shave the hair off my face without mutilating myself, and then put Kleenex all over my face in an attempt to un-mutilate myself, it took me a good ½ hour, plus a pint of blood, to get out the door every morning.

Then came the Mach 3 shaving system. Wow!!! Three blades together, with the edge coated in Teflon. The little gizmos clicked into you master handle, and came in these little plastic cartridge gizmos, and things started to get better.

If three blades together was good, four must be better, and five must be heaven on earth. And that is where we have progressed to today: five little blades fused together, coated with blue slippery stuff at either end of the cartridge, eliminating the need for multiple swipes of a single or double blade over my baby butt sensitive skin.

I shave in 5 minutes now…and nary a drop of blood. Of course, these suckers are expensive as hell, and are kept under lock and key at the drug store. Yet, I thank the good Lord every morning when I am shaving for whatever inspiration he bestowed upon the Gillette company to make these modern, and most important, little miracles.

OK. You don’t buy it? Beats the hell out a column I read last year about the world’s greatest invention. This guy picked Velcro. Hey, it helps keep your pants up. What’s more important than that?