Gay Marriage: Suffer With the Rest of Us!!

Alright, your howling is coming through my router loud and clear, but what can I say? Six states now allow gay marriage. Whether you personally agree with it or not is up to you. But as a lawyer I can tell my gay friends…be careful what you ask for, you just may get it. In plain terms, the gay community had the greatest gig going on in history and didn’t know it. I can guarantee you there are a bunch of straight guys, and women for that matter, who are sitting around wondering why the hell they got married. But if you were gay with a persistent partner wanting to tie the knot, you had the greatest excuse in the world…it’s illegal. Now, you are just like the rest of us. So get ready for what you don't know!!! 

1) THE MARRIAGE PENALTY: Let’s start with tax issues. Yes, married couples are taxed at a lower rate than two incomes pyramided on top of one another. But married filing jointly is always more than if the two individual were not married and filing separately. That’s why many working hetero’s choose to live together rather than get married…it’s cheaper.

2) DIVORCE: Can you spell community or marital property? If you get married, your partner will be entitled to half of you have if you comingle the funds or make the money while you are married. People are people regardless of sexual orientation. And the gay community as a whole tends to be more financially well-off than the general population, thus more at risk. My advice: Pre-nup…especially if there is a pension! State Domestic Relations laws are unforgiving!!!

3) CHILD SUPPORT: If you decide to adopt, remember that custody and support issues will rear their ugly heads. This is a NASTY business. Tread carefully.

4) SENIOR ISSUES: If you are an older gay couple deciding to fulfill a lifelong dream of entering into marital bonds with your long time partner…think twice. Social Security will be cut. You become subject to Medicaid spousal asset and spousal support issues. You become subject to maximum amount of property you are allowed to keep if your spouse goes into a nursing home. This goes for ANY person over 50 contemplating getting married, first or fifth time around. DON’T DO IT without fully understanding the responsibility imposed by statute on married couples for each other’s expenses.

5) IRA and 401(K)’s: Surprise. You thought that money you contributed into your account was yours, but you can’t do a whole lot with it without your spouse’s signature. Financial institutions everywhere are now requiring the spouse to sign off on someone else being named a beneficiary. This can be disconcerting to those with blended families.

6) PROBATE: You can disinherit your partner sharing living quarters. You can not disinherit your spouse. It is called the spousal share. SURPRISE!!!

7) DOWER: This is a good one. If you own a house when you get married, you can’t sell it without your spouse’s signature even if it is in your name alone. It is called Dower. SURPRISE AGAIN!!!!!

Generally speaking, while the United States appears to be family friendly, the government actually tends to be hostile and punitive. That is why the marriage rate is going down, more and more seniors are living together rather than choosing to get married, and the age people get married is steadily rising.

Granted that while issues such as health care, rights to benefits, the right to bury your partner without hostile family interference are resolved by marriage and/or civil unions, straights have found that many of those issues can be taken care of by a series of relatively simple documents such as Powers of Attorney, Wills, Prepaid funeral contracts, and the like. You get all of the benefits, and none of the crap.

On the other hand, love of another human being is a force to be reckoned with; straight, gay, or otherwise. But you know what? The guy with the whining gal nagging to get married always ends up giving into convention. Wouldn’t it be nice just to look over and say: “Babe, I’d love too, but it’s illegal!”

I will be out of town for the next several weeks and no phone line will be long enough to find me. Please send all of your complaints to Barack Obama!!!!!

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