Homemade Chicken Stock

Okay. So it’s 4 AM. I am awake with my eyeballs on my cheeks and can’t go back to sleep. I turn on the television and what to my wondering eyes does appear but a PBS show showing me how grow things green…nevermind that green is exactly how I am going to look come noon. Notwithstanding, I dutifully poured myself a cup of coffee and watched the show to find out everything they are so willingly ready to tell me I am doing wrong.

I get tired of these lecture wag the finger kind of shows. These folks are all alike. They all have that “peace of God” expression on their face because they have insights into life I must be lacking. Everything will be alright if only we are green, environmentally sensitive about every aspect of our lives. Just do this or do that…it only takes a minute…and all the world’s problems will be solved.

Today, they showed me how Thomas Jefferson grew his green garden. I didn’t know gardens were any other color. Most things that grow are green. It’s called chlorophyll. I learned that in science class back when they taught real science in the schools. But I digress. They showed how he carefully tilled the land; how he laid out the rows with precise measurements; how he dutifully enriched the soil with manure and compost. It beats my tomato plant in a pot on my back stoop. And they forgot to mention he had slaves doing all of the meticulous “green” work for him while he was out founding the country. They referred to him as a “gentleman farmer.” Oh yes, and don’t forget that they have a full blown horticulturalist doing the planting now.

I tolerated all of the low talking points of fine gardening, but I drew the line where they insisted that I grow lettuce then harvest my own lettuce seeds. Why spend all that money on packets of seeds when you can let part of your lettuce crop flower…then harvest the flowers…then dry the flowers…then crush the dried flowers…then sift the crushed flowers…then sift them again…then blow the dust off of the remaining seeds in the bottom of the last sifter. Don’t forget to store them in your refrigerator in an air tight container and mark what’s in the container and the date so you don’t use dated seeds next year. And the most important thing: plant the seeds on successive weeks so you will have fresh lettuce over a period of time.

But they crossed the line when they brought the “green” chef out to show me how to use the bounty of the “green” garden in food preparation. These people are nuts. First, he extolled the methods of plant production that will produce organic vegetables. Then he decided to do a stir fry with the luscious organic vegetables using olive oil…extra virgin. Is there any other kind? He finely chopped all of the veggies. Then he cooked the ones that stir fry up quickly…like the chopped onions and celery and peppers. Then he stir fried the larger veggies separately that take more time…like junks o’ broccoli and carrots and peas.

To the larger chunks he added chicken stock…and he emphasized that we use “homemade” chicken stock as opposed to the stock you get out of the can or those semi-paper containers they sell it in now. And he wouldn’t let it go. Dude, make your own frickin’ chicken stock. Your job may be to look happy in your environmental salvation, but I got a job. And so does my wife. We don’t have time to make homemade chicken stock because we are working our environmentally unsafe asses off to pay your salary so you can sit there on PBS and tell us how we are doing everything wrong.

And don’t give me that sodium crap. Studies show something happens to us if we don’t have enough sodium…we die. Studies are now showing that excess salt DOES NOT cause high blood pressure. It is an old wives tale. And it’s the frickin’ salt that makes the food taste good.

If you want to know why we have problems in this country, tune into PBS in the very early AM and watch your tax dollars at work. In the meantime, could someone pass me the processed meat…and maybe some cheese?