Travel Magazines

Have you ever read a travel magazine? There are several of them around from local mags like Pittsburgh or Cleveland Magazine to those dealing with world travel such as Conde Nast Magazine and Travel and Leisure Magazine. They are filled with wonderful photographs, timely tips, site seeing and restaurant recommendations, and all sorts of things to make your travel experience more enjoyable.

Even the advertisements are spectacular including ads for exotic airlines that offer sleeping quarters, gourmet meals on trains, hotels with penthouse suites, and $10,000 watches and $75,000.00 cars all demonstrated by beautiful people the likes of which I will never see at the Elmton in Struthers.

I used to subscribe to several of these literary gems and daydream about what it would be like to travel to exotic places, go on a luxe safari with servants scurrying about catering to your every whim, staying at the Ritz in Paris or experiencing a private audience with the Pope in Rome, or dancing an Argentine tango in Buenos Aires.

Nah. That ain’t gonna happen, and I have gotten tired of trying to have my travel expectations raised to only have them dashed by the reality of sitting in a traffic jam trying to get around the beltway in Washington DC on the Auto Train to Florida leaving Lorton, Virginia.

What world do these people live in? My world is dealing with long lines at TSA security in airports being patted down because a quarter in my slacks set off the scanner alarm. My world is dealing with unbearable traffic trying to get from point A to point B without killing myself, my passengers, or someone in another car talking on a cell phone. My world is queuing up for dinner at restaurant that has lost my reservation until you slip the maitre d’ a fifty. My world is the small hotel room by the elevator and ice machine next to a room filled with screaming kids running up and down the hall with the smell of disinfectant in the air hoping we don’t get bitten by bed bugs.

These magazines offer tips on how to score an “upgrade”; how to get past the velvet rope in a nightclub; how to get the best deal on a rental car; how to get the best pricing on an airplane ticket; where to shop for pookah beads and a water pipe; where to avoid the touristy stuff…you know…like the Eifel Tower or the Coliseum.

Do I really need to know the behind the scenes story of a photo shoot in Krakow? Do I really need to know how to use the social network (twitter-facebook-and God knows what else) to enhance my travel experience? Do I really have to search umpteen different online travel sites looking to save big bucks on that first class ticket to Patagonia? Do I really want to go to Patagonia? Does anyone know where to find Patagonia?

I am tired of looking at ripped men and curvaceous blonde women modeling how to eat on that private beach. I particularly love the family shots showing Mom and Dad and their beautiful children laughing and having a wonderful time. Last time I saw those people they were screaming at their kids about going to the hotel pool after the museum trip in the morning…and no, you can’t have a Slurpy for breakfast, especially in New York.

In the old days I would call the travel agent and he/she would do everything that needed to be done. All I had to do was write a check and pick up the packet. Now…I don’t want to work so hard to have fun. And as for the magazines, I think I will put the ad for the Rolex watch in the bird cage tonight…maybe my canary will appreciate the encrusted diamonds.

Now, will someone show me the way to the buffer at the Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh?

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