Mean People

Have you noticed that people as of late have become mean? This is more than usual testiness. This is mean stuff. What makes it even more disturbing is folks seem to be enjoying it. I belong to a lot of organizations, and I can personally tell you it’s a jungle out there.

What is even more disturbing is folks are overtly telling you how mean they are. I can’t believe some of the stuff I have heard over the past few months. I am a lawyer, and it is mean people that fuels our business. That being said mean people, at least in my experience, have always been the exception rather than the rule. I am not so sure anymore.

Whether it is in an organization or a church or a club or in the office or driving a car or going to the theater, there seems to be anger just below the surface that is bubbling up more and more. People are always going to disagree. This is more than being disagreeable. This is nasty business where there is shouting and pounding and deliberate deception and deliberate sabotage. There is no mature discourse. This is deep seeded anger that is way beyond acceptable behavior. It is a form of narcissism that I haven’t seen in my lifetime. Being mean because you can is now the rule.

I believe there are three sources of this abhorrent behavior.

1) Media: Starting with Seinfeld there has been a steady progression of television programs based on unacceptable behavior. Even watching old Seinfeld episodes today the selfish and deliberately mean behavior of the characters is evident. The last episode lands these people in jail for their anti-social behavior; but it didn’t lock up the genre which continues in talk shows (Gary Springer and the like); reality shows (scheming on Survivor and its clones); comedy shows (Three and Half Men); competition cooking and design shows (Cake Boss); and any television news show local and/or national. Bad behavior is continually being reinforced and glorified. In an age where we are supposed to be concerned about the collective…somebody forgot to tell the media people.

2) Digital Age: The preferred method of communication is to hide behind a digital device. I rarely get phone calls anymore. My friends contact me on Facebook or Twitter or Email or Linkedin. There are several new “social” apps coming to the forefront at a rapid pace that makes email downright old fashioned. People have forgotten how to use the most important social app…face to face communication. Dodging phone calls relying on faceless and emotionless texting does not make a social person. It makes a robot. The problem is getting worse by the day. These are wonderful tools and I use them daily. But I get irritated when my telephone calls are dodged because a “friend” would prefer a terse text. The anonymity of these devices actually promotes mean behavior because the communications are impersonal with no immediate human feedback. When a face to face encounter occurs, why are we surprised if the meanness continues into the discourse? That’s how they talk now.

3) Lack of Personal Control: We live in an era of big government where our every move is watched both by the government and private businesses. For the most part, things have become so channeled that there is no room to be human. Try getting through a phone tree. I don’t care how helpful the robot voice on the phone is. It is frustrating and makes folks angry. If you make the least mistake, your credit is ruined. Your bank charges outlandish overdraft fees. You can’t get a loan. Cameras are watching how you drive. The government has a chip in the car watching where you go. Privacy rules are only used by officials trying to avoid answering questions while your life is an open book. Prices on everything are going up in this non-inflation age. There is nothing we can do about it. What control do folks have over their life today? Not much. And it is getting worse. Meanwhile, the government keeps growing, and notwithstanding what the media would have you believe, people sense there is a problem. This isn’t the America we grew up in. This is something else and it is ugly.

In the great gun debate which our nation is now entering, the sources of anger in America need to be examined. As things continue to get worse, so will the anger. The fact that people are getting guns and shooting other people doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me is that it isn’t worse.

Perhaps we should begin to teach our children how to smile and say hello when they enter a room, and how to talk on the telephone, and a little common courtesy and etiquette. Maybe Rodney King’s famous quote “Can’t we all get along?” is something we should re-examine. That is a good rule to live by.