Mark Knows It All

I went to a fund raiser the other night that required that I wear denim. I haven’t owned a pair of jeans since I was in elementary school…literally. God didn’t make this body for denim, stretched, eased, pre-shrunk, relaxed, or otherwise. So I girded my loins and went forth to purchase a pair of blue jeans. Here is what I found. I am classified as a “big” man. I have a 48” inch stomach, but my hips are 44” which I means I need a pair of pants with a 46” waist which allows me either hike up or pull down, whatever the situation requires. I went to Dillard’s where I usually have success in finding clothes that fit. In the Men’s Department the kind lady in rather loud voice told me I had to go to the Big Man’s section of the store. How humiliating. I could have crawled under the display case…which wouldn’t have worked because I am too big!!! After slinking my way to the Big and Tall section of the store, I found that there wasn’t a whole lot of stuff from which to choose...

Those of you who know me know that I was raised Catholic. My wife was a Lutheran. When we got married in 1972 we joined the Episcopal Church as a religious compromise and have considered the Episcopal Church as our home church ever since. But Catholicism has strong ties that bind and old habits die hard. Many Protestant ministers will tell you that their best church members are lapsed Catholics. As they say…once a Catholic, always a Catholic. At heart, most mainline Protestants have at least a degree of interest in the workings of the Catholic Church much the same way many Americans have an interest in the British royal family. The Catholic Church was the mother ship of all Protestant churches just as England was the mother ship of the United States. The history is there, good or bad depending on your point of view. We may pretend to have no interest in a discarded heritage, but we still watch!!!! And we watched some history this past week with the election of Argentinea...

 I was surprised to hear that Pope Benedict decided to throw in the towel and retire to a convent on the Vatican grounds. Good for him. It’s about time someone had the good sense to realize that it probably takes a younger guy to lead a billion and half Roman Catholics. Of course, when it comes to Popes, young is a relative term. There are only two criteria. You have to be breathing…and you need a healthy prostate. When you are up up on that altar in St. Peter’s and you gotta go…there is no place to go. There is no “excuse me I will be right back.” Kyrie Eleison takes on new meaning. I have always found pope transitions interesting. Pope John XXIII was elected as an interim pope after the death of Pope Pius XII (who was pope WAY too long), and changed the entire religion. He moved the church into the 19th Century. Pope Paul VI was boring. Then there was John Paul I. They picked the wrong pope and it gave birth to the Godfather 3 movie.  We needed a Polish...