Pope Musings



I was surprised to hear that Pope Benedict decided to throw in the towel and retire to a convent on the Vatican grounds. Good for him. It’s about time someone had the good sense to realize that it probably takes a younger guy to lead a billion and half Roman Catholics. Of course, when it comes to Popes, young is a relative term. There are only two criteria. You have to be breathing…and you need a healthy prostate. When you are up up on that altar in St. Peter’s and you gotta go…there is no place to go. There is no “excuse me I will be right back.” Kyrie Eleison takes on new meaning.

I have always found pope transitions interesting. Pope John XXIII was elected as an interim pope after the death of Pope Pius XII (who was pope WAY too long), and changed the entire religion. He moved the church into the 19th Century. Pope Paul VI was boring. Then there was John Paul I. They picked the wrong pope and it gave birth to the Godfather 3 movie.  We needed a Polish pope to help end the cold war, hence John Paul II. He did a good job but hung around way too long after he became ill. When he died they actually put him on a board and carried hither and yon all over Vatican City singing chants I hadn’t heard since my days in Catholic elementary school. He looked like a salmon on a plank. I felt so sorry for this great man. They couldn’t let him rest in peace? Oh well. Then they elected the German which brings us back to Pius XII, but we won't go there!

Actually, I thought Benedict did a credible job. J-P II was a hard to act follow. Ratzinger handled it with grace and aplomb. He seemed, and seems, like a nice enough guy. I know that he moved the church a little to the right of where it was before, and stacked the deck with his “cardinal” appointments. There was much criticism about the lack of responsibility in the Church when it came to the sex scandals, but I thought he did a pretty good job striking the correct balance. When all sides are angry, that means the mediator has done a good job.

I am seriously impressed with his decision to step down. Leading the Catholic Church is a hard job. It involves non-stop public appearances, dealing with a corrupt curia in Rome, offering spiritual guidance in a world spiritually resistant, searching for honest bankers. It takes a smart man to know when it is time to leave. I hope this starts a trend…so when the next pope gets of a certain age, he will also have the sense to retire. Of course if it is an American pope, he won't be able to rely on Social Security or Medicare. Both will be bankrupt so I guess he will have to raid the collection plate.

I sent my application in for the job.  I think I would make a great pope. The pope hat would cover my bald spot. You don’t have to be a priest to be a pope. Any old Catholic will do. I am a lapsed Catholic attending an Episcopal Church. But as the saying goes…once a Catholic always a Catholic. Sounds like a show tune. I haven’t heard back from them yet. Maybe it was lost in the mail. We do still have mail, don’t we?

Of course I would have to go to confession. Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 45 years since my last confession. I hope the priest brings a snack because we will be there for awhile. But then again I would be the pope. I can forgive myself. A few Hail Mary’s and Glory Be’s and all’s right with world.

Notwithstanding all of the above, there are some constants in life. The Church is one of them. Catholicism is the root Christian religion. Like Americans fascinated with the royal family in Britain, all Christians take more than a passing interest in the election of a new pope. My deep prayer is that the new pope resembles Pope John XXIII and reopens that window to let in fresh air. I doubt that will happen, but maybe deep down we long for church stability…something to anchor us as we go through life. There is something comforting in the Latin mass.

And when the conclave begins…Catholic or not….we all will be watching for the white smoke. No computers. No cell phones. No Twitter or Facebook.  No Jumbotron. Just smoke coming out of a dingy smoke stack telling the world we have a new pope. Amazing.