Weddings and the Rest of the Show

Over this past weekend I attended two weddings.  Both were poignant in their own way, directly touching the question of life markers…especially “getting older” life markers.   A long time friend of mine married a great lady on Sunday.  It was a second marriage for both but they had maintained a relationship for several years.  They finally decided to make it official.  These are good folks who, like me, are approaching the short end of middle aged.  I am glad that they have someone with whom to share the rest of their lives.  Both of these folks are no nonsense salt of the earth types, my kind of people.  It was a beautiful wedding.  It was a lot of fun.  It was an affirmation that love knows no age, and that we still have a few good years left!!!!  Hopefully more than a few good years!!!!!

The second wedding hit a little closer to home.  My first cousin twice removed got married on Friday.  For those of you who didn’t spend a fortune going to law school to learn what that means…it was my first cousin’s grandson.  My Aunt had three children: Charlie, Buddy and Cindy.  My aunt and I were particularly close hence I had a closer than normal relationship with my cousins although there was an 8-12 year age difference.  Cindy, still a beautiful lady, was the grandmother of the groom.  The wedding reception was at Mahoning Country Club in Girard.

Back in 1968, my cousin Charlie decided to marry to a wonderful girl.  Buddy was to be his best man, but as sometimes happens, family difficulties caused Buddy to back out shortly before the wedding.  I was 18 at the time, and Charlie honored me by asking me to be a substitute best man.  It was an exciting experience.  Those were the days of big old fashioned Italian weddings with lots of attendants.  Outside of me, the rest of the groomsmen were Charlie's fraternity brothers. The day started with a breakfast then the wedding then a lunch and the reception in the evening. 

The wedding was in a big old fashioned Catholic church now torn down.  It was a Christmas wedding and we fought with the nuns over moving a butt ugly rubber plant located right in front of the altar.  “God doesn’t move the furniture in your house and you don't move the furniture in God’s house,” said the nun.  My cousin had different ideas!!!  And the wedding reception was at…you guessed it…Mahoning Country Club in Girard.  That wedding was 44 years ago which was the last time my cousin and I were in the venue.

Going back to this place with this wedding and this family was a bit unnerving.  By definition the memories were bound to pour out.  Nothing had changed.  The fireplace which served as a backdrop for the wedding pictures was still there.   So was the side closet where we changed our clothes. My cousin and I sat next to each other reminiscing.  

We come from a huge family...lots of aunts and uncles who had lots of children. The family has changed.  My aunts, save one,  and uncles and my mother and father have long passed on as have several of our cousins and their spouses.  Several members of my cousin's wedding party are also gone.  Now we were the crazy old men sitting at the table watching our children watching their children as they paraded up to the cookie table…and some of those children aren't children anymore and are getting married themselves, one tonight and another in a few months.

We talked about the good old days and we talked about our current endeavors.  We talked about our children and their accomplishments.  But my mind kept going back to that night so many years ago.  I remember my aunts fighting over the cookies for the cookie table, moving them from one car trunk to another rather than out for the guests.  (Here's the rule: only 80 % of cookies brought for the cookie table make it out to the table.  The other 20% go into another relative's trunk!) I remember my uncles who liked to party dancing together on the dance floor.  I remember the wedding party taking off our shoes...a real scandal back in the day.  We danced to white soul music, polkas, and tarantellas.  And all of us were young and svelte and energetic and exuberant    Today…not so much.

So there we sat. Charlie drank his vodka and I drank my bourbon.  His grandchildren are beautiful.  I am still hoping for some in the future. And we sat at the table and drank some more. Then we went home. 

I have maintained a relationship with my cousins and their children over the years.  But the grandchildren I hardly know at all!  Time has a way of putting distance between generations of extended family.  But it was fun seeing the ones that I know, and meeting the ones I don't.  Cousins define a special kind of family.

My grandmother from the other side of my family used to say she wanted to live long enough to see the rest of the show. That's what went through my head on Friday night...and Sunday night.  This was the rest of the show, and it turned out alright.