Dead People Christmas Music




By Mark Mangie. Driving home this afternoon from my bi-weekly trip to Hogan’s with my little pal Vinny the Pooch, my radio happened to land on Channel 70 on Sirius/XM radio.  Those of you who are Hallmark Channel aficionados will know the significance.  Blaring from my extremely high-tech speakers was Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy, warbling Here Comes Santa Claus.  He first recorded the song in 1947.  He re-recorded it in 1953.  Why?  Who the hell knows.  The song sucked then.  The song sucks now.

The second version conjures up one of my earliest memories…playing that Gene Autry gem on my little brown 45 rpm record player when we lived in a second-floor duplex on Prestwick Drive.  I was three going on four…in 1953!!!  That makes 65 years of Gene Autry singing "Click Click Click" ad nauseum.  It's time to bury Gene Autry once and for all.  

I am oft reminded of what my grandmother told me years ago when I asked if she was going to put up a Christmas tree. She said: “After 80 years of Silent Night, I’ve had enough.” Then she waived her hand and made that awful “Aaaahhhhh” noise after she taught me some colorful Italian words.  No, she didn’t put up the tree.

I have a rule for the Christmas music which now bombards us beginning the week before Halloween. If the person singing or performing the song is dead, the song is off the approved Christmas music list. And since we are inundated with dead people Christmas music, there’s not a whole heck of a lot left!!

Let’s face it. As I type this, I have heard on the radio, over my neighbor’s perpetually barking dog, a list of dead people Christmas music that seems to have no end. No Place Like Home for the Holidays – dead Perry Como; White Christmas – dead Bing Crosby (puhleez…I’ll be hearing the whistling verse in my grave); Holly, Jolly Christmas – dead Burl Ives. The Christmas Song – dead Nat King Cole; The Christmas Waltz – dead Frank Sinatra; and Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – dead Judy Garland. I mean these folks aren’t even newly dead…they are in the “John Brown’s Body lies a moldering in the ground" dead. And let’s not forget the near or should be dead: Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – Brenda Lee; The Most Wonderful Time of the Year – Andy Williams. He is still alive, isn't he? Whoops.

I don’t mean to be a Scrooge. You know what? Yes, I do. This time of the year is depressing enough without having to be reminded of your misspent youth by songs that make you remember things the way you think they used to be. Nostalgic for simpler days? Fuggetaboutit!! I listen to Karen Carpenter singing Merry Christmas Darling…she should have eaten a pizza.  Not good Christmas thoughts.

And the new stuff isn’t much better. How many times do I have to endure Bruce Springsteen howling “Saaaanta Claus is coming to town…Saaaanta Claus is coming to town.” I got it the first time. Here’s another one: Happy Christmas (The War is Over). Now this one is an exception to the rule. Yes, John Lennon is dead. But Yoko Ono is still kicking…so this is a class by itself. That being said…have you read the lyrics to the song? What the hell are they talking about? It is just plain stupid. Merry Christmas…blah blah blah…the war is over. What war??? Last time I looked, there are still several popping around these days. Wait a minute…they are playing Baby It’s Cold Outside – dead Ray Charles. Won’t somebody save me?

Seriously, I have a massive collection of Christmas music, including lots of dead people Christmas music. Over the last 30 years, we have had some major additions to what is considered to be traditional Christmas music. Mannheim Steamroller led the way showing how Christmas music can be updated. Trans Siberian Orchestra has raised it to a new and different level entirely. I don’t care for TSO, but some of their stuff can be moving. I have to give them credit.

I think A Charlie Brown Christmas and the music of Vincent Guaraldi not only elevated and modernized Christmas music, but introduced a whole generation of Americans to jazz. To me, this is the true Christmas comfort music.  But he is dead now too!!!  What to do? What to do? 

Oh well. I have to go now. Time to watch White Christmas. Danny Kaye…living or dead? Ohhhh Noooo!

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